New Beginnings -- Day 447

I have debated on whether my blog should continue, since it seemed appropriate to end this writing journey with the end of our roadtrip. A few people have asked me what we've been doing, and one pointedly asked about the next blog post. So here it is, by popular demand! (Yes, I'm counting the single request as the popular demand, since there were no other demands to the contrary.)

Picking up the narrative from where we left off in my last post (Thank You--Day 411), the overwhelming generosity of our community enabled us to travel safely back to Dallas. The air of defeat and desperation was mitigated by the warmth of the love that we felt, and we chose to see this as a temporary refueling stop, rather than the end of the journey. Driving back had it's harrowing moments, as Fezzik was still not used to driving long distances, and we were trying to conserve as much money as possible by stopping as little as possible. Some of the mountains gave us trouble, and we actually had to pull of the road a couple of times to prevent overheating, but with a lot of patience and by the sheer force of will, we made the 1366 mile trip in about 3 days.

Rolling into my son's apartment complex, as we had a few times before, had a different feeling this time. The uncertainty of the future, combined with our new found hope from the community, blended into a weird cocktail of fuzzy stress and happiness. We were just in time to celebrate my birthday, back in the arms of our welcoming family. I had mentioned in December of 2015 that everyone should get a Randall (Sometimes the Brakes Fail -- Day 55), and this advice is particularly pertinent again. Randall and Jason have opened up their home to us to stay while we get things figured out.

This ancient photo is known as The Ponderer c.2009

December was filled with a mixture of extreme happiness and severe disappointment. My birthday and Christmas were wonderful, spent with friends and family, and reconnecting with folks that we hadn't seen in a year. The fun times being tempered with job opportunities evaporating almost overnight, and feeling like we drove all this way to our safety net, only to find out that it was more like a cobweb. Facing the reality of being older than I've ever been before, and not as *ahem* professional looking as I once was, I wondered if we had made another grave error, and didn't know how to proceed. The brightest spot was the knowledge that at least we weren't going to be homeless a thousand miles from anyone that we knew.

"It is always darkest just before the Day dawneth."~Thomas Fuller

Sometimes you forget that you are made of star stuff, ya know? That the Universe is rigged in your favor? It may not always seem that way, but it is what I believe. When I trust in that belief, and relax in the knowledge that Everything IS, it saves me from the pit of despair that is always lurking on the edge of my perception. Following the flow (The Best Laid Plans -- Day 138) is a much less stressful life and truly the way that I want to live, I just haven't gotten there yet. But as the clouds parted and revealed January of this new year, things began to fall into place. One circumstance after another fit perfectly together to provide for me both transportation and a job. Now we begin the uphill climb from the debt hole into which we had fallen, older and wiser. 

Look out, 2017. Here we come.

Thank You -- Day 411

Often I like to start a blog post with a quote, and I was thinking about using "I get by with a little help from my friends" ~ The Beatles, until I realized that it was about taking drugs and that was NOT the tone that I wanted to set for this particular post, where I'm trying to figure out how to express my gratitude to my community of loving friends and family that have supported us through this rough transitional time. And why are run-on sentences so funny?

But seriously, I owe a tremendous debt that could never be repaid. I reached out for help, and the overwhelming generosity of the people that I am privileged enough to call my friends has humbled me greatly. The outpouring of loving support through words, job offers, places to stay, and obviously cash donations brought me to tears on more than one occasion.

I asked for a miracle and the miracle was you. 

To briefly recap, we spent a month in Hemet, California, trying to find jobs to keep our adventure going. All signs had pointed to this location as being the most logical, in terms of proximity to civilization, affordability, weather, amenities. Everything about our stay was perfect, except for the fact that literally no one was hiring. I had heard things about the job market being tough for the last decade, but it had never affected me in Texas, because the economy of the Lone Star State was really strong, and I was in an industry with high turnover (which means getting hired is super easy.) California is a different animal entirely, and the higher wages for menial labor means that people are more selective in their hiring and turnover is relatively low. When you pay people a living wage, it's a job they'll want to keep for as long as they can. We reached a point where we had to choose between paying rent for a little while longer, hoping that one of the 32 jobs for which I had applied would call me back for an interview, or giving up on California and trying to make it back to Texas. Paying rent again would have meant no money for food, so that was one of those really interesting exercises in Faith. 

I'm reminded of a story that I heard once in church. There was a flood, and a good Christian man found his house filling with water. As the water made the road impassible for his vehicle, a neighbor came by in a big four-wheel drive truck. "Get in, the flood is getting worse," the neighbor shouted. The man replied, "God is going to save me!" And he retreated to the upstairs of the house. As the water rose to his second floor window, a rescue worker came by in a boat.  "Get in, the water is going to continue to rise," called the rescue worker. The man shouted back, "God is going to save me!" and climbed up to the roof. As the water encroached upon the edges of the roof, a helicopter came with a lowered rope. The rescue worker called to the man through a bullhorn, "Climb up! This is our last flight out!" The man yelled back, "God is going to save me!" With a shrug, the rescue worker in the helicopter departed, and the water still rose. The man o the roof drowned and went to Heaven. As he stood before the Throne of God, he asked, "Why hadn't I been saved? Why was I left to die?" God answered him, "I sent a truck, a boat, and a helicopter. What else did you want me to do?"

As I was in Hemet, stressing about what to do, the idea of asking for help kept coming up. I am loathe to request assistance in ANY circumstance, preferring to suffer along in silence, often feeling like whatever struggle I'm going through is deserved. Consequences are the result of actions that we take, decisions that we make, and choices that we select. Everything that happens is for a reason! I'm not suggesting that everything is predetermined; rather, things are post-determined, in the sense that the reason something happened is often due to the actions, decisions, or choices that we make. There are ripples that we see, and many that we don't, that influence our world and the world of those around us. Everything is interconnected, and the ripples of the choices of other folks influence me and my ripples too. When I came to this realization, I knew that the reason I kept thinking of asking for help was to learn that it is OK to ask, and that sometimes when you ask, you will get more than you need. I didn't realize how alone I had been feeling, fighting this fight with only my girls in tow. Our community rose up to support us, and now I know that I'm truly Never Alone, and we are all in this thing together. 

So I extend to you all my heartfelt thanks for giving me back my life, and showing me how deep my roots actually go. Some of you I speak with regularly, others I haven't interacted with individually in a long time. But know this: I love you, you are part of my community, and if you ever need me, I will be there for you.

I am You.

 You are Me.

 We are One.

I'm from America -- Day 337

We are back on the road, having completed our stay at Redwoods River Resort in Leggett, CA. We don't currently have jobs lined up for the rest of the year, so we've decided that we're on vacation! We met up with our friends that we made this summer in Ukiah to see the City of 10,000 Buddhas, one of the first Chinese Zen Buddhist monasteries in the United States, and one of the largest Buddhist communities in the Western Hemiphere (from Wikipedia).

When we left on Wednesday morning, the sense of adventure was back in full force. Anya had us all up and ready to go by 9:30, and we only stopped briefly for hugs and good byes at the office on our way out. The drive to Ukiah wasn't far, but Fezzik hadn't been on the road in a long while, and we wanted to give him plenty of time to warm up and get stretched out again. He complained a bit on some of the hills, but after the first hour, he was back in traveling form. Pulling into the Redwood Empire Campground (which we visited back in April on our way up) and seeing our friends' rigs already in the parking lot made it feel almost like home.

After getting parked and settled, the very first thing on my mind was: Jack in the Box. I hadn't had a #27 in five months and if you haven't treated yourself to this culinary delicacy, I encourage you to do so. #27 is life.

Photo by Foodspotting.com

We weren't going to the City until Thursday, so we spent the afternoon playing golf on the Xbox and then had a pizza delivered. (Because delivery pizza is superior, and that is something else that I hadn't had in five months.) Can you tell that I like food?

I had mentioned that feeling at home is difficult while on the road, but having good friends makes it easier. These folks that I met over the summer are a new part of our extended family, and no matter where the road takes us, we know that we will have our friendship. As our extended family grows, it expands the areas where we can feel comfortable traveling, since we'll have connections all over the place.

Fezzik with our friends' rigs

I wanna be a citizen of the whole USA. When people ask me where I'm from, I don't wanna be labeled, or pigeonholed, or defined by whatever location I tell them. You want to make assumptions about me? I can't control that. You want to know me? You're gonna have to actually talk to me and find out who I am.  There is no box for me to check anymore.

There was a woman here in this campground that saw our Texas tags and asked if we were from Texas. Because I knew that this woman was not actually interested in getting to know me, and we weren't going to spend any more time together than the five minutes of this conversation while I'm hooking up my water line, I said that we were from the Dallas area. She then confessed that she had a niece in Texas, but she doesn't like it there. Thank you, random stranger, I will be sure to let Texas know that it didn't meet with your approval.

We have enjoyed the small town of Ukiah, population 15,871. Seems like a booming metropolis, after the seclusion of our summer retreat. They have a lot of recognizable chain stores, as well as some unique shops and eateries. And then of course there was the City of 10,000 Buddhas. I didn't take any pictures, partly because I was afraid my phone was going to die, and partly because it just didn't feel right. It was a very cool experience, and I love that a place like this exists. It's a whole small town of Buddhism. You could feel the peaceful energy, from the wandering peacocks to the laughing children. I would love to create a place like this one day, only not Buddhist. Just peaceful and friendly, welcoming to all people.

Wouldn't that be a wonderful world in which to live? I feel like it starts with us. Our rig is a peaceful place, and we try to spread that energy wherever we go. As we build our community, eventually we will have a peaceful gathering of folks, a village, a town, a city. Who knows? Maybe one day we'll have a whole peaceful world.