New Beginnings -- Day 447

I have debated on whether my blog should continue, since it seemed appropriate to end this writing journey with the end of our roadtrip. A few people have asked me what we've been doing, and one pointedly asked about the next blog post. So here it is, by popular demand! (Yes, I'm counting the single request as the popular demand, since there were no other demands to the contrary.)

Picking up the narrative from where we left off in my last post (Thank You--Day 411), the overwhelming generosity of our community enabled us to travel safely back to Dallas. The air of defeat and desperation was mitigated by the warmth of the love that we felt, and we chose to see this as a temporary refueling stop, rather than the end of the journey. Driving back had it's harrowing moments, as Fezzik was still not used to driving long distances, and we were trying to conserve as much money as possible by stopping as little as possible. Some of the mountains gave us trouble, and we actually had to pull of the road a couple of times to prevent overheating, but with a lot of patience and by the sheer force of will, we made the 1366 mile trip in about 3 days.

Rolling into my son's apartment complex, as we had a few times before, had a different feeling this time. The uncertainty of the future, combined with our new found hope from the community, blended into a weird cocktail of fuzzy stress and happiness. We were just in time to celebrate my birthday, back in the arms of our welcoming family. I had mentioned in December of 2015 that everyone should get a Randall (Sometimes the Brakes Fail -- Day 55), and this advice is particularly pertinent again. Randall and Jason have opened up their home to us to stay while we get things figured out.

This ancient photo is known as The Ponderer c.2009

December was filled with a mixture of extreme happiness and severe disappointment. My birthday and Christmas were wonderful, spent with friends and family, and reconnecting with folks that we hadn't seen in a year. The fun times being tempered with job opportunities evaporating almost overnight, and feeling like we drove all this way to our safety net, only to find out that it was more like a cobweb. Facing the reality of being older than I've ever been before, and not as *ahem* professional looking as I once was, I wondered if we had made another grave error, and didn't know how to proceed. The brightest spot was the knowledge that at least we weren't going to be homeless a thousand miles from anyone that we knew.

"It is always darkest just before the Day dawneth."~Thomas Fuller

Sometimes you forget that you are made of star stuff, ya know? That the Universe is rigged in your favor? It may not always seem that way, but it is what I believe. When I trust in that belief, and relax in the knowledge that Everything IS, it saves me from the pit of despair that is always lurking on the edge of my perception. Following the flow (The Best Laid Plans -- Day 138) is a much less stressful life and truly the way that I want to live, I just haven't gotten there yet. But as the clouds parted and revealed January of this new year, things began to fall into place. One circumstance after another fit perfectly together to provide for me both transportation and a job. Now we begin the uphill climb from the debt hole into which we had fallen, older and wiser. 

Look out, 2017. Here we come.

Thank You -- Day 411

Often I like to start a blog post with a quote, and I was thinking about using "I get by with a little help from my friends" ~ The Beatles, until I realized that it was about taking drugs and that was NOT the tone that I wanted to set for this particular post, where I'm trying to figure out how to express my gratitude to my community of loving friends and family that have supported us through this rough transitional time. And why are run-on sentences so funny?

But seriously, I owe a tremendous debt that could never be repaid. I reached out for help, and the overwhelming generosity of the people that I am privileged enough to call my friends has humbled me greatly. The outpouring of loving support through words, job offers, places to stay, and obviously cash donations brought me to tears on more than one occasion.

I asked for a miracle and the miracle was you. 

To briefly recap, we spent a month in Hemet, California, trying to find jobs to keep our adventure going. All signs had pointed to this location as being the most logical, in terms of proximity to civilization, affordability, weather, amenities. Everything about our stay was perfect, except for the fact that literally no one was hiring. I had heard things about the job market being tough for the last decade, but it had never affected me in Texas, because the economy of the Lone Star State was really strong, and I was in an industry with high turnover (which means getting hired is super easy.) California is a different animal entirely, and the higher wages for menial labor means that people are more selective in their hiring and turnover is relatively low. When you pay people a living wage, it's a job they'll want to keep for as long as they can. We reached a point where we had to choose between paying rent for a little while longer, hoping that one of the 32 jobs for which I had applied would call me back for an interview, or giving up on California and trying to make it back to Texas. Paying rent again would have meant no money for food, so that was one of those really interesting exercises in Faith. 

I'm reminded of a story that I heard once in church. There was a flood, and a good Christian man found his house filling with water. As the water made the road impassible for his vehicle, a neighbor came by in a big four-wheel drive truck. "Get in, the flood is getting worse," the neighbor shouted. The man replied, "God is going to save me!" And he retreated to the upstairs of the house. As the water rose to his second floor window, a rescue worker came by in a boat.  "Get in, the water is going to continue to rise," called the rescue worker. The man shouted back, "God is going to save me!" and climbed up to the roof. As the water encroached upon the edges of the roof, a helicopter came with a lowered rope. The rescue worker called to the man through a bullhorn, "Climb up! This is our last flight out!" The man yelled back, "God is going to save me!" With a shrug, the rescue worker in the helicopter departed, and the water still rose. The man o the roof drowned and went to Heaven. As he stood before the Throne of God, he asked, "Why hadn't I been saved? Why was I left to die?" God answered him, "I sent a truck, a boat, and a helicopter. What else did you want me to do?"

As I was in Hemet, stressing about what to do, the idea of asking for help kept coming up. I am loathe to request assistance in ANY circumstance, preferring to suffer along in silence, often feeling like whatever struggle I'm going through is deserved. Consequences are the result of actions that we take, decisions that we make, and choices that we select. Everything that happens is for a reason! I'm not suggesting that everything is predetermined; rather, things are post-determined, in the sense that the reason something happened is often due to the actions, decisions, or choices that we make. There are ripples that we see, and many that we don't, that influence our world and the world of those around us. Everything is interconnected, and the ripples of the choices of other folks influence me and my ripples too. When I came to this realization, I knew that the reason I kept thinking of asking for help was to learn that it is OK to ask, and that sometimes when you ask, you will get more than you need. I didn't realize how alone I had been feeling, fighting this fight with only my girls in tow. Our community rose up to support us, and now I know that I'm truly Never Alone, and we are all in this thing together. 

So I extend to you all my heartfelt thanks for giving me back my life, and showing me how deep my roots actually go. Some of you I speak with regularly, others I haven't interacted with individually in a long time. But know this: I love you, you are part of my community, and if you ever need me, I will be there for you.

I am You.

 You are Me.

 We are One.

End of the rope -- Day 394

This is the hardest post that I have ever had to write. I've actually been putting it off for a while, trying to convince myself that I wasn't going to need to write this post. Holding out for a miracle.

Miracles are around us every day, and it is often up to us to figure them out. Sometimes the miracles that occur are so common as to be mistaken as mundane, and only after careful consideration does the miraculous appear. This past year has been one miracle after another! This adventure in an alternative lifestyle has been liberating and educational. I am truly thankful for this experience, and the places that we've seen, the friends that we've met, and the memories that we've created that will stay with us forever.

Sometimes when you're following a path, it will take you in directions that you are not prepared to go. Sometimes you think you know where you're headed, only to come around a blind corner to see a cliff with a dizzying drop-off. Is this a dead end? Of sorts. The beautiful vista that opens before you is worth the hike in. Appreciate the beauty of the experience! Having to go backwards down the path at that point is just logical, and safe.

This is the point that we have reached in our journey. We are at the precipice, we have seen the beauty and the majesty, but now we have to backtrack a bit. We are going to be going back to Texas. We are not looking at this as a failure, merely another chapter in the adventure.

But we are going to need help! Having calculated our budget for the return trip, it turns out that we don't have quite enough cash. The jobs that we were counting on to get us through this winter have all dried up, along with our savings. We are coming to you, our community, to ask for your assistance in this great time of need. I know that Christmas is coming, and you all are going to be stretched a little thinner in celebration, so I'm not asking for much. Whatever you can contribute will be greatly appreciated, and we will be indebted to you forever.

If you have ever wanted to buy us a drink, or dinner, or take us to the movies; if you have ever wanted to buy us birthday gifts or Christmas presents; if you have ever appreciated any help or act of friendship on our behalf and wondered how you could ever repay us? Now is the time. I will accept any gifts or loans to our paypal account Send the Jacksons back to Texas (paypal.me/CheoJackson). We have already made arrangements for a place to stay once we get back, and I have several job prospects there, but all of that is irrelevant if we get stranded in Arizona on our way back. Please help, if you can.

Year One: Everything "IS" -- Day 365

We've done it!

When we embarked on this RV journey, I pledged to do it for a year as an evaluation period. We have reached the end of that commitment! This year has been a learning experience like no other, full of life lessons from the poignant to the peaceful. I have learned how to handle shit both literal and imagined. If I could make a list of the three biggest truths that I have gleaned from all of my experiences in the past year (and with no small contribution from personal experience prior to that) it would be this:

1. Perspective Matters
2. Perception is Reality
3. Everything "IS"

Now, if you read my previous post, I already talked a bit about the first two points, so I'm just going to focus on the last one today.

EVERYTHING "IS"

I do not claim to be a great thinker, or philosopher, and I know that my words, thoughts, and ideas are primarily for my own personal development. I do like to share them here so that you can get to know me better, and so that I can learn a little more about myself through some personal reflection. This blog has also been documenting our family journey in the RV for this past year that we have spent living on the road, and those life experiences shape my personal philosophy.

This has been an amazing year. From the original lesson of what to look for when shopping for an RV to what to do when the brakes go out, all the way to learning how to live more simply and being more flexible. Through all of this, I have come to the realization that nothing is ever just one thing. The confluence of events that lead to each situation are a myriad with a mind boggling level of complexity, and the perfection of the outcome is amazing. Even the situations that are the most terrifying, like the brakes going out during Christmas week, have their Christmas angel resolutions. Throughout our journey, there have been many different explanations offered to us for why things work out the way they do. Some people want to point to God's plan, or fate, or karma -- all of which may be true -- but rather than define, I seek to accept. I don't need to understand everything, or really anything, because that is not necessarily going to change what "is". 

I realize that this is a really simple concept, and perhaps I lack the language mastery needed to communicate this concept effectively. But that also doesn't change what "is" (ha!) I realize this lesson is mostly just for me, and probably won't be earth-shattering to anyone else.  If you stopped reading this already, I wouldn't blame you. Heck, I've halfway tuned myself out at this point. But I'm going to carry on, because I don't feel finished yet.

Ever since I was a little kid, I used to get really frustrated if someone ate my candy. Regardless of whether I purchased it myself, or it was given to me, I felt like I had earned that candy, and I wanted to enjoy it all to myself. As I've grown up, I have become much more understanding and generous, and I will usually share my candy with you (if you ask me nicely.) Sometimes, especially if you have children, your candy may mysteriously go missing. Children, I have learned, are notoriously impulsive and not always the most considerate. Empathy and consideration are things that are learned over time with more interpersonal life experiences. The point that I'm trying to get to is that the candy is now gone. It doesn't matter who, how, or why. None of the answers to that question will make the candy not gone. 

Acceptance. That is one of the greatest lessons that I have learned in this past year. I had to let go of a lot of things, ideas, and preconceived notions about how the universe operates. Once I can do that, and it's an ongoing process at this point, I can understand some of the more important things in life. Instead of focusing on why a particular life event has occurred, I can accept that it "is" and then move on from there. 

Understanding that EVERYTHING "IS" helps me to adjust my PERSPECTIVE, which changes my PERCEPTION and alters my REALITY.

Soul Camp 2016 -- Day 334

BUMP BUMP BADUMP BUMP

BUMP BUMP BADUMP BUMP

BUMP BUMP BADUMP BUMP

I remember a time when electronic music used to drive me batty. Repetitive, and lyrically lacking, I just didn't get the appeal. Combined with the social stigma of the illicit activities and the illegal nature of the underground rave scene, I stayed a good distance away for most of my life. Now, I'm not here to discuss the culture, the community, or the history of electronica, because I'm not nearly knowledgeable enough on the subject, but what I am here to do is share my experience.

As I have grown older, and wiser (though some would like to debate that point) I have learned much about love and acceptance. Everyone has their own path to walk, and what might be right for me is not going to be right for you. One fun part of my life has been finding people that want me to be who I am while enjoying who they are. I like to meet people where they are. I do not want to change them, I want to understand them. I want to accept them, and love them. I believe that if we could all learn compassion, the world would be a much better place.

While we were here in the redwoods this summer, there have been six major weekend events. Three of them were holidays, with all of the family celebrations and camp-style activities included. Two of them were biker events, with deep-throated Harleys, and lots of bearded old guys. The last one was Soul Camp, with the promise of all night parties and very pervasive, thumping bass lines.

The holiday weekends reminded me of the summer camp movies that I enjoyed when I was a kid. This was a little different since whole families were here, but there were lots of campfires and s'mores, volleyball and pool games, and wholesome fun! The biker events were a bit rougher around the edges, with a LOT more beer drinking and very loud, fiddle-laced, deep-fried rock and roll. Walking through the campground at night felt much like being in the bad part of town, and you kinda got the feeling like you would not really want to upset anyone.

Soul Camp was very different. The whole feeling of the place was like a huge egalitarian society from the future. There were no strangers to be found, because every person that you saw greeted you with a smile, a wave, or even a hug. This was the first time that I have felt this accepted and welcomed in any large gathering, and it was amazing. I worked a lot of shifts in the Pub, and got to meet a bunch of the coolest people. After work, walking home in the dark didn't feel the least bit uncomfortable. The bumping of the bass was better than a compass, since the main stage was about twenty yards from my home.  Dancing lights, dancing people, and dancing music were EVERYWHERE.

And so, we danced. A lot. We got as close to the stage as we could, so that the pumping sounds could be felt in our bones, vibrating our hearts and minds. We danced with people that had glow sticks, fuzzy hats, men in broom skirts, people with backpacks, skinny jeans, silk scarves, sunglasses (at night), and no shame. There was something very special about being able to do this among the ancient trees with the stars looking down on us. I think the universe was smiling.

I know I was.

This was the perfect way to wrap up this summer. This was our first workamping experience, and I love that it was so amazing. The relationships that we have built here are so genuine and deep, it is amazing to realize how quickly they were formed. And while I'm by no means a Club Kid, I will forever remember my first Soul Camp.

I am Home -- Day 296

Many people have written amazing things about the concept of home. I have discovered a deeper truth to that feeling that has nothing to do with a physical place. Often, we associate home with a location -- "going home" -- but for me, home is more of a feeling, a certain level of familiarity and comfort. Living in an RV, I thought, was going to be awesome, because I was going to be "home" wherever we were parked. But there is a deeper feeling that goes beyond being comfortable with the place where I'm going to sleep.

We've been on the road now for almost 10 months, and during that time, we have modified our space and our needs to make the situation "survivable" but I think we fell short of really "livable" in the terms of creature comforts. Finally staying in one place long enough to really get the feel of "living" in the RV has shown us that while we may still only have 250 sq ft of living space, it can really be fun and comfortable.

Here are some tips that I have gleaned over the last 10 months for making your space more comfortable:

• An outdoor rug -- We have an 8' x 10' rug that really defines the space right outside our rig as our personal space. I love that I can walk barefoot on it, without worrying about rocks, or thorns. I would list this as a "must have" item for RVing.
• French press coffee -- If you love coffee, or only like good coffee, I recommend getting a French press. Drip coffee is fine, if that's what you like, but when you really want to feel like someone loves you and that all is right with the world, you should get a French press. Plus, it takes up less counter space than an espresso machine.
• Get a good mattress topper -- I recommend memory foam of at least four inches in thickness. You spend a lot of time asleep in your bed, you should make that as enjoyable as possible. RV beds are designed with the occasional user in mind. People are willing to put up with a poor sleeping experience when they know they get to go "home" to their bed after camping. This is your home bed, act accordingly. 
• Put a TV outside -- Most people don't watch TV while they are camping for the weekend. Some people will go for a week-long vacation, and not turn on the TV. I actually don't even really watch much broadcast television, but I do love a movie now and then, and playing video games. Putting a TV outside allows you to enjoy the outdoors, as well as building something awesome in Minecraft.
• Portable speaker (Bluetooth is a bonus) -- I have two different sizes of speakers that I use outside. One that I carry in my disc golf bag (because my life needs a soundtrack) and one that is larger that we plug the outside TV into. Nobody likes watching a movie with a crappy sound system!
• Ice Maker -- This is the newest addition to the wellness program. An RV refrigerator is usually pretty small, ours is 6.3 cu ft. Which means I can put a jug of milk OR a jug of orange juice in it, but not BOTH. We've gotten really creative with reusable plastic bottles, repackaging things to get them to fit, but there is no room in the freezer for food AND ice. Most people that are camping for the weekend just buy a 10lb bag and put it in the cooler. You only need a couple of days worth, right? Well, we live here and need ice all day, every day. Enter the ice maker! Looks like a bread machine and produces 1lb of ice every hour. All I'm missing is the umbrellas for the drinks ...
• Family -- This sounds like a no-brainer, like who goes off on a trip and forgets their family? But this week my very best friend in the whole world came to visit me. You forget how good it can feel to be around someone that loves you and accepts you and KNOWS you. Good times.

When we started this adventure, I was asked what the end goal was. Honestly, I didn't really have one. I was thinking that we would spend at least a year on the road and see where that takes us. Now that we are closing in on the end of the first year, I'm realizing that I haven't even scratched the surface of this whole thing. I feel like I'm actually doing a lot of growing up, and learning about myself. One of the things that I'm learning is that it is pretty nice to pamper yourself in some small but significant ways.

And now I feel more like I'm at home than ever.